I had the most vivid dream last night that I had a positive pregnancy test. When I woke up I took one and got a negative. I am starting to really hate those dreams. I don’t think we were successful this month and am already starting to deal with the feelings that come with that. The disappointment seems even greater after struggling with the Clomid side effects all month. I told Doc that I could easily talk myself into doing something uncomfortable if I knew it would be successful, but the reality of our situation is that I could torture myself for months and we could still be unsuccessful. Doc and I have talked a lot about how we will continue if we were unsuccessful. It left me with a lot of questions for my doctor.
I have my doctor appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I am feeling a lot of anxiety about the appointment. The office never called with the results of my blood work, so I’m nervous that they found something that will make us change course all together. Of course, the staff seems less than reliable in my doctor’s office; I have considered finding another doctor but OB offices are notoriously busy, and he is one of the best. I try not to make decisions when I feel this many emotions as I rarely make good emotional decisions.
Unfortunately, Doc is working inpatient this month and doing additional training on the new computer systems for the hospital, so I won’t see much of him. We have had extensive talks about whether or not we have enough time to give it a good try this month or if we should put off trying this month. We are both in favor of trying, but it is hard for me to want to sign up for another dose of Clomid knowing he might be gone or too tired to really try. It also means that he can’t go to the appointment with me and hear what the doctor says about all the side effects I experienced and about what our other options are. I always hate it when he has to miss all the information.
My plan is to go to my appointment with my questions ready and to be open to hearing everything the doctor has to say, even the parts that I find difficult to hear. I don’t know if I will be taking Clomid again, or another drug, or if we will be trying something new all together. I have to go in with an open mind and know that we all have the same goal in the end, and that my doctor is doing his best to help us reach that goal.
Aww honey. My heart aches for you guys. If the docs office staff is that incompetent, it's hard to inspire confidence in the doctor himself. Hopefully he lives up to his reputation.
ReplyDeleteIt was very interesting to go to the office yesterday and find they have done a major overhaul of their staff. It seems they cut a lot of the staff back and are working on replacing them. His nurse also apologized for not calling, the blood work came back the day before and she saw I was on the schedule and decided to wait to talk to me. I appreciated her telling me her thinking. It was a very different office yesterday! Doc and I have talked a lot about how the staff and nurses can make or break a practice. Sadly, the doctor rarely knows when the staff is bad. Everyone is nice to the doctor! I would definitely tell my doctor I was having a problem before I left his practice. It seems that he has solved the problem though!
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