November 30, 2011 – The Awesome Doctor

It turns out that my sonogram appointment for tomorrow was lost by the office staff at my doc’s office.  Of course I was upset, because anything that delays us is upsetting, but in the end it worked out.  I called to ask a question about the appointment only to find out they no longer had record of it.  The woman I talked to was rude, and very unhelpful.  Eventually she said she would have someone call me back… 24 hours passed and no one had called me.  I called back and spoke to the office manager regarding everything.  She took care of it very quickly.  I explained that it was concerning that an appointment just disappeared, and she seemed to agree that the whole situation was unacceptable.  I received a call back from the sonogram tech and my question was answered: “yes, it is okay to combine my appointments.”  I was pleased and it was done.

Last night around 9:30 my doctor called, just to check in and make sure my question was answered.  I appreciate that he would do that.  I know he keeps a packed schedule, and taking the time to call me just to make sure my silly little question was answered was very nice.  While I had him on the phone I asked him about those at home ovulation tests and my frustration that my LH surge seemed to be hit or miss on them.   He laughed and said, “those tests seem to cause women the most frustration and drive women crazy.”  YES!!!  They do!  That is why I took the whole month of October away from them!  So ladies, here is what my doctor said.  Have sex every other day if possible during your fertile period.  Don’t worry about those tests.  If you are concerned that you are not getting a “nice ovulation” then ask your doc to run a progesterone check on day 21 of your cycle.  You will only produce progesterone if you ovulated.  He also said that the Clomid would help make sure I had “strong ovulations”.  So, I kind of love my doctor because he made me feel better and less stressed with a 5 minute phone call.  J We’ve got a plan to have me tested on day 21 of my December cycle, so I am not going to worry about those silly, expensive, and stress inducing home ovulation tests any more!

November 17, 2011 – And we are off!

We met with the specialist this evening.  Doc is working nights, so he was able to make the 4pm appointment before his shift.  I’m glad he was there; it was just nice to have the support.  The doctor has me scheduled for an ultrasound in early Dec to make sure there are not visible adhesions from the endometriosis.  If there are adhesions we will need to have surgery to remove them.  If there are no adhesions we will be having another ultrasound on the first day of my next period.  The second ultrasound will check the size of my ovaries.  If all is well, I will then begin a fertility drug called Clomid (Clomiphene).  Clomid will help increase ovulation, which will hopefully help us get pregnant.  The doctor warned us that taking this med will increase our chances of having twins or even triplets.  That is a terrifying thought!! 

The doctor also reminded us that because of the endometriosis we should be aware that we may need to consider IVF, and that it could cost as much as $15,000.  Another terrifying thought!  Overall, it was a quick but productive visit.  I still haven’t fully processed the emotional part of starting fertility treatments.  The doctor warned that the side effects of the med may be a little intense.  Of course today I feel like I can handle anything, but I may feel differently after I start the med.  

Thankfully, Doc was able to attend today and will be able to attend the next ultrasound.  It has just worked out that way.  He may not be able to attend the second ultrasound, just because we won’t be able to plan it, but it is nice that he can at least come to some of the appointments.  The hand-holding is such an important part of feeling ready to deal with this.  Just knowing that we both heard the same information and we are on the same page is nice.  The process just feels a lot less lonely when he is there.  J

November 7, 2011 – Girl Time

As you all know, my goal for last month was to relax.  As a part of that effort I made a date for a girl’s weekend with one of my girlfriends.  The unusual part of my girl’s weekend?  My girlfriend happens to be a gifted psychiatrist.  Now, when you have a psychiatrist and a psychologist in the same place for a weekend, what do you think happens?  Basically, it is a big cathartic time for all.  Our profession demands that we listen to others… all day, and do our best to not reveal pieces of ourselves so that we don’t interfere with their process.  We are trained at keeping ourselves hidden and helping clients find their own personal truths.  Our focus is always on others.  So, when we get together it is a filter-free, all cards on the table time.  We can freely talk about our shortcomings as human beings, and our struggles to find our place in this world.  And although it can leave you a bit raw, especially when it is crammed into a quick trip, it can also leave you feeling stronger, more capable, and ready to take on the next challenge life has for you. 

That is how I feel today.  Ready to go!  My friend pointed out that although I left my career behind, I hadn’t left the care-taking role behind and that I was in a way still hiding myself in it.  That I needed to take the time to take care of myself and really process the things happening in my life.  She confirmed that these are not small things, to face infertility and the numerous life changes we are going through.  Suddenly, I’m not afraid to make my appointment with the specialist.  I’m ready to face the next challenge and ready to see what happens next.  The wonder and joy of life (my own) coming back to me.  How is that for girl time?  J

November 2, 2011 – Pointe shoes off!

I think taking a little break from worrying about baby (or lack there of) has been a wonderfully reparative thing.  Not that we stopped trying, it was just nice to have a few decisions made and to let Doc take the lead.  I will be making my appointment with the specialist after a “girls weekend” I have planned this week.  Doc and the puppies will just have to fend for themselves! J

One of the ways I know that taking a break was the right thing to do is just that I don’t feel so emotionally spent.  I was recently asked about infertility during a dinner and I didn’t get mad or cry.  I was able to have a frank and open discussion without all the emotional burdens that had been coming up around the topic.  I didn’t feel attacked or belittled by the conversation, it was just a chat.  It of course helped that the individual was very kind and well mannered, but I also didn’t feel like I expected people to walk on eggshells in order to avoid hurting my feelings.  I even laughed. 

Its interview season in the world of residency programs and that means discussing health care packages and of course children once again.  This is going to be a part of my life.  Doc loves being a part of the educational process, so I should get used to these things.  The break helped a lot.  It also helped that I am done rationalizing and blaming and well into the acceptance that this isn’t going to be an easy process.  I have very little control over the situation, so I need to be ready to ride whatever road comes along.  You know what they say, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”  He knows my plans… time I figure out his. 

I really couldn’t do any of this without my friends and family.  I can’t tell you how much it means that several of my girlfriends have offered to come and help if Doc has to miss my surgery.  I’m trying to schedule things so that Doc can be there, but it is so nice to know I am not alone.  Sometimes it is the emotional handholding that means the most!  So, thank you all for being so awesome! J I love you!