As we enter the
third trimester the questions about birth plans have begun. According to the pregnancy bible, What to
Expect, I should be writing down my detailed thoughts on all the possible scenarios
for delivery and how I would like them to be handled. I am going to let you all in on a little
secret: You don’t really have a say. I
love my control probably more than the next person, but this is one situation
in which I have to accept I don’t get to be in control. I don’t get to say when my water will break
or how quickly (or slowly) I labor.
Unless I want to be the ultimate control freak and schedule the event,
which I have no desire to do. I would
like to go into labor because it is time for my son to be born. Even that may be out of my control though,
given my high-risk pregnancy. If my
blood pressure doesn’t chill out my doctor may end up recommending early
delivery and I will just have to get on board with that.
My birth plan is
simple, “Get my son safely delivered into this world.” Notice that it really isn’t about me, but
about my son. Welcome to
motherhood! I may have to be
uncomfortable, in pain, scared, and yes even out of control in order to bring
my son safely into this world. I can
accept this right now or I can let myself be full of anxiety and eventually
resentment when it doesn’t go the way I planned.
I am surrounded by
doctors who have spent their fair share of time in the
delivery room. They all say the same thing
about birth plans, “things never go the way the mom plans”. The minute a mom comes in with a 27 page (I
wish I were kidding) birth plan everyone knows it is going to be the most
difficult delivery of the day. Nothing
will go smoothly or as planned. It is
the kiss of death for a safe and healthy delivery. Psychologically I understand the need for
control and the plan’s ability to help moms process the events to come, however
I think too often it creates a psychological block that can interfere with the
delivery process when mom clings too tightly to her plan. Stress can change the way your body responds
to everything, including delivering a baby.
It also takes the mom longer to process the fast paced changes that can
occur in the delivery room and leaves her to wait longer than necessary to
finally okay that emergency C-section the doctor recommends. I don’t know any doctors who want mom to have
a C-section. Most of the doctors, OBs
and pediatricians, prefer if mom can deliver the baby the old fashioned way,
because it requires less recovery time.
They recommend C-sections because they recognize that mom is unable to
deliver safely the old fashioned way or because the baby is in danger. Did you catch that last part? Baby is in danger. This is another one of the moments where it
just stops being about you (or should).
By focusing on my
desire to have a healthy baby delivered safely into the world I can relax about
controlling the events on the day and prepare myself instead to place trust in
the professionals I have chosen to help me obtain this goal. I have heard hundreds of scenarios about how
things change, evolve, and frankly go wrong during deliveries. Every delivery is different and unpredictable
things happen. I should prepare myself
to be on board with whatever happens, because it is out of my hands.
So how does this
control freak get her control fix in a situation so out of her control? I focus on the things I can control. I learned everything I could about the
hospital where I will deliver, obviously I have an advantage knowing so many
people who work there (Doc included). I
learned everything I could about all the doctors who deliver there, because you
never know who might be delivering.
Although I know my doctor plans to deliver me, crazy things do happen
and we may find ourselves in a situation where he can’t be there and I have to
be ready to embrace that change too. I
asked a ton of questions about who receives my son and will be doing his
initial check. I have stated my
preference to my husband that the baby be checked before being placed on my
chest to warm. I have even asked who
will be checking my baby in the nursery, because at our hospital babies are
either checked by the hospitalist group or by the pediatricians from the
clinic. My preference is that a
pediatrician from my chosen clinic (the hospital clinic) checks the baby. This is sheer insanity on my part because my
husband is a pediatrician from the clinic and he will have already checked the
baby, my best friend who is planning to be there will check him and she is a
pediatrician, and the majority of our friends are pediatricians either in the
hospitalist group or the clinic and I am guessing they will all check him just
in case. After all, the first
pediatrician to examine my sweet niece E after she was born was Doc. My son will probably be examined by 20 pediatricians
(including his own pediatrician because he and Doc are good friends) and
specialists by the time he leaves the hospital.
Despite knowing this, I asked just to be sure. I can also control the environment by controlling
how many visitors we have and when we have them. I can do this at the hospital by stating my
preference (you actually get a say about this) and I can do this at home. I am planning to
breast feed, so I inquired early about a breast pump and have asked my mom
friends how they felt about theirs. Our insurance
carrier has a nurse that calls to answer questions monthly and they encouraged
me to get the pump early and learn how it works. I asked about lactation experts at the
hospital (free to use, so do!) and plan to consult them while I learn this new
skill. I have read and watched videos as
well as walked through the process with my best friend as she learned how to do
it. Despite all my planning for this I
still have formula on hand, just in case this doesn't work out as I
planned. I have
also thought through and discussed with those people who will be around my
desire to have some privacy while I learn this new skill. Obviously my husband will be there while I
learn, and since he discusses breast feeding with new moms all the time he may
be helpful. I also think it will be a
good time for him to learn even more about it and since I understand how that will
benefit his patients and their moms I am cool with him being there. My brother in law is a frequent visitor to
our home and will most likely be helping out with our dogs while I am learning
to be a mom, so I discussed it with him and we have set up rules for our
comfort. Otherwise it is going to be a
private affair.
Finally, Doc and I
have started formulating our plan for the first few weeks after our son is
born. We have asked the moms we know what they would have done differently or what they loved having happen in those
first few weeks. If we haven’t gotten
around to asking you yet please feel free to email or message us with your
thoughts. So far the majority of moms we
talk to wish they had planned for more quiet time and asked for fewer visitors
in those first few weeks. Giving birth
is a stressful time of adjustment for a family and the family unit needs time
to adjust. Hosting a whirlwind of
visitors interferes with that adjustment and makes slipping into a routine
difficult. So Doc and I have decided to
not host out of town visitors during those first few weeks. Instead we would like to plan to host those visitors once we have settled into a routine so that the visitors can
fully bond with our son and spend some quality time with him. We are also asking that they visit one at a
time, be vaccinated before they come, not to come if they are sick or were
recently exposed to sick people, and to always wash their hands before touching
our son. Our son is so lucky to have 8
grandparents that are dying to meet him, and it is so important to Doc and me
that he have time to bond with each of them.
In order to do that we need to set up some guidelines for visits,
because if all 8 show up at once during the first crazy days no one will really
get a chance to bond with him. It would
be too crazy and hectic for anyone to enjoy it and that is the opposite of what
we want. We want everyone to have
special time with him.
So, those are the
things I can control. The rest is just
out of my hands. So here is hoping that
my birth plan of delivering my son safely into this world goes off without a
hitch!
