November 28, 2012 – The Results Are In

We finally have some answers!  My HSG was yesterday and went well.  It was painful, but very quick.  It wasn’t the worst pain ever, but I am not going to volunteer to do it again.  I was very thankful that my friend came with me.  It just made everything easier.  Everything looked good on the HSG.  My uterus is well formed and the tubes are still open.  All very good news. 

Doc’s test results took a little longer to get.  The doctor called this afternoon.  There is some concern about motility and they would like to repeat the test.  They have asked Doc to take 500mg of vitamin C every day for the next 3 weeks and then be tested again.  Should the results remain the same, they will move us to insemination. 

Overall these are not bad results because we can do something about them.  It means another month off Clomid, so a nice break for us.  Doc is not thrilled about having more tests or taking additional pills, but he is a good sport and willing to give it a try.  Besides, we all know he secretly loved the 12 step directions for masturbating.  J  He did recently look at my chart and saw that it has 281 results listed.  That is 281 times that I have had a test done and waited on the results.  It gave him a little more perspective about what the last 17 months have been like for me.  Perspective is always good!

P.S. Some people are having trouble leaving comments.  Please feel free to e-mail me if this happens to you!

November 21, 2012 – Grateful On a Day to Be Thankful

Doc and I are grateful for a month without Clomid and the fertility schedule.  Due to his crazy and hectic schedule this month we did, however, forget that Thanksgiving is this week.  I have written before about my theory of being grateful every day, so it seems a bit redundant to have a day to be thankful.  It is also hard to remember holidays because Doc is working, so they are just another day in our household.  We celebrate days off!  Yesterday was one of Doc’s few days off this month.  The day was packed full and included 4 hours of work related tasks, so it didn’t feel much like a day off.  It was the first time that we had been able to talk since my doctor suggested additional tests and a break from Clomid, so that was something to be grateful for. 

We needed the break from Clomid. The idea of additional tests is scary, but we would like some answers.  We should have a few of the answers on Monday.  Doc had the wonderful experience of turning in a sample to the fertility clinic yesterday.  I was downright gleeful that he finally had a slightly embarrassing test.  After 17 months of very embarrassing, painful, and terrible tests/side effects I think I deserve a break.  Doc agreed that it was his turn.  He said that he figured if I can endure everything I have had to so that we can have children then turning in a cup of sperm was the very least he could do.  I love that man.  He had to follow at 12 step set of directions for collecting his sample, which we both thought was hilarious.  He also said that 16 yr/old Doc would have been much happier about the idea of being ordered to masturbate than grown up Doc was.  Obviously, we handled the task with our usual sense of humor. 

My testing will be done on Tuesday afternoon.  Doc is going to be stuck at the hospital working in the PICU that day, so a friend has agreed to take me.  I am so grateful for the friends we have made here.  They are so supportive and wonderful.  It really does take a village, and we have found ourselves in one heck of a village.  God knew what he was doing when he put us here. 

I am nervous about the tests and have heard it described as everything from slightly uncomfortable to horrendous torture.  The reality of the situation is that because I have made the choice to go through with the test, I have no choice but to deal with whatever pain or discomfort the test brings.  So there really is no point in worrying about it.  At this point the answers we get from the tests are worth any temporary discomfort we may experience. 

Regardless of the answers we get, we are grateful for each other and the life we share.  I am so grateful to be married to this amazingly loving, kind, funny, and supportive man.  And as much as I like to complain about his job and the strain it places on us, I am so proud of him and how he chooses to spend his life.  I am grateful for living where we do, being surrounded by the amazing people here, and getting the chance to be a part of something much bigger than our petty struggles.  I am eternally grateful that I am still able to make a difference in the lives of children by helping those that are caring for them and helping to improve the environment of the hospital.  I am grateful for the people who allow me to use my skills and training to help them make informed decisions to help improve the hospital, program, and atmosphere of our world.  Regardless of the answers we receive, this is a wonderful life.  J

November 8, 2012 – We Interrupt Your Regular Program…

My progesterone results are finally in for this month; 5.4.  You read that correctly.  If you have been following my blog for a while you will realize that for someone on Clomid this number is not good.  My normal progesterone draw is around 28 on Clomid.  It is however, a normal number for someone not on fertility drugs.  I didn’t ovulate until Day 18 or 19 this month, so testing on Day 21 may not have been accurate.  I am pretty sure this is the problem because this was the worst ovulation I have ever had.  It felt like a cartoon bomb had gone off in my abdomen.  There is normally some pain and swelling following ovulation, which my doctor explained was blood from the extra ovulation.  This month my entire abdomen was so swollen that it looked like I was sticking my stomach out as far as I could.  Seriously, push your stomach out as far as you possibly can and that is what I have looked like for the last 3 days.  It was so painful I would cry when I tried to pee!  I was getting muscle cramps in my sides and back from having my abdomen extended for such a long period of time.  There was so much pain I just didn’t think I could do this again. So, obviously there was more than 1 egg released this month. 

However, the low test result did earn me a call from my doctor.  This poor man.  He called last night and he sounded like he was miserable with a cold.  He barely even sounded like himself.  I really appreciate him calling me when I know he would have rather been in bed.  Things like that make me really like him, and make it easy to forgive rude nurses and delayed results. 

As usual we were right on the same page.  It is time to take a break.  We have been going at this for a while and we haven’t been successful, so he feels like it is time to take a break and get some additional tests run.  It was obvious that our lack of success was just as frustrating for him as it has been for us, which is nice.  It reminds me that we are a team.  He wants to check Doc’s sperm count, just because it can decrease with age and with ovulation occurring so late in the cycle it is possible that the count is lower anyway.  He also wants me to go in for a study to check and make sure my fallopian tubes are still open. 

I am nervous about the tests and am not thrilled that we have to go through them, but I am also ready for a break.  I just feel worn out.  I don’t know when I will write again.  I am not sure when the tests will be.  They may wait until after this cycle is completed before running any tests, or they could want to do them right away.  I won’t really know until I hear from the nurse to schedule them.  I will keep you updated about the tests, but as of today I am counting myself as on vacation from fertility treatments and the side effects of them.  It is time for some much needed rest and relaxation. 

UPDATE: The nurse called shortly after I wrote my blog.  They will run my test, which is an HSG, during my next cycle between Days 4-16.  Doc tried to explain it to me but honestly it sounds like some form of Cold War torture so I stopped listening.  I picked up Doc’s “kit” and he will make his appointment for later this month.  We should have some answers next month.  On the way into the office to pick up the kit I did run into a lab tech, who asked me if I was visiting them today, and a secretary for my Internal Med doc who stopped to chat.  You spend too much time at your doctor’s office when everyone knows you!  It was sweet of them both to chat with me.  I really love my doctors’ offices. 

November 04, 2012 – Sitting on the dock of the bay

I am sorry it has been a while since my last update.  I didn’t mean to leave everyone hanging.  Really I was just tired of thinking, talking, writing about everything.  I needed a break. 

Currently we are at the end of our try-cycle.  I go in for a progesterone draw on Tuesday (forget election watch, our house is on progesterone watch).  We are very hopeful for some good news, but really we won’t know anything for sure until closer to the end of November.  We have done everything in our power to make this month successful.  Now I just have to relax and wait. 

Doc and I are doing well.  Doc has started his PICU rotation, which means he is gone every day from 6am until 8pm.  I miss him and wish he were able to be home a little more, but such is the life of a resident’s wife.  Obviously November isn’t going to be a good month to try during.  If this try-cycle had extended into November any further it would have been a total loss.  December isn’t going to be much better, as Doc is in the NICU then.  Lots of very sick babies and very long hours don’t make trying easy.  It makes it impossible.  We aren’t sure how we will handle it if we are not pregnant this month.  It will be a discussion we have to include our doctor in on.  It just isn’t reasonable to expect that we will be able to try every other day during these months and have it be stress free.  But that is a bridge we will cross when we come to it.  I am sure my doctor will have some brilliant plan for making everything easier or seem better.  He is good like that. 

Right now I just have to focus on relaxing.  Tuesday will give us an idea of how ovulation went and then we just have to pray we make it to Day 35.  For those keeping track; that means we won’t have good news before November 20^th.