So far the
pregnancy has really gone very smoothly; considering it is still a “high risk”
pregnancy it really hasn’t been bad. The
few hiccups are these: insomnia, continued vomiting, contractions when I
over-do, and most recently swelling.
Twice during this pregnancy I have been ordered onto bed rest for a
least a few days, and twice I have strongly disliked bed rest. I recently learned the main goal of bed rest is
apparently to keep a mother-to-be from experiencing additional stress. When I first heard about bed rest I assumed
that moving around was the issue, but I was wrong, apparently it is the
emotional stress that is dangerous.
Stress increases blood pressure which causes all kinds of crazy chain
reactions when pregnant. I honestly had
no idea. I know my doctor is always
making a big deal about stress, but I always kind of thought he was
kidding. After a crazy couple of months
I now know he wasn’t.
Here is how stress became a problem in my
life… Starting in October we begin attending recruiting dinners for the hospital. We have done this every year of Doc’s
residency. It helps the residency recruit
students who are interested in continuing their education in pediatrics. We travel about 3-4 hours so that we can
discuss our program with students from the medical schools in the area. Then once the applications for residency are
in we begin hosting recruiting dinners at local restaurants. In past years we have done as many as 3 a
week, thankfully we slowed it way down this year. It adds stress every year, but eating,
smiling, and chatting my way through dinners where I am seriously wondering if
I am going to barf can be a little stressful.
Not to mention the number of extremely nice dinners I did throw up. Not exactly something to look forward
to. I continued to do them because it is
important for our residency program to be well represented, and it is important
for Doc, as chief and future faculty, to meet the residents.
The second thing
that starts during this time of year is prime fundraising season for the hospital. Our hospital is a non-profit children’s hospital,
which means in order to give excellent care we rely on donations from our
community. This time of year is when we
are able to get the biggest donations, so the hospital throws party after party
and fundraiser after fundraiser. Doc and
I have always thought it was important to be a part of this process as
well. People like to meet the doctors
and learn about who they are as people.
It helps put a face to the hospital and reminds them it really is about
helping kids, not lining our pockets. Every
year we work hard to make sure the hospital has generous donations so that it
can continue to help kids for another year.
It is very important to us, and therefore worth the stress.
This time of year
is generally overwhelmingly full with just our social engagements. This year we added more to the pile for the
holiday season, which added stressor number 3.
Starting in mid-October we had our first round (of many) visitors. We are having the first grand baby for our
biological parents and they are all anxious to be involved, which is wonderful
but can also be a bit overwhelming. After
all, we have 8 parents (4 pairs) between the 2 of us, so they are a crowd unto
themselves. Visits are sweet, but they
are also stressful because as a true Southern girl I feel the need to be a good
hostess. That means making plans,
organizing activities, and making sure everyone is fed the best food possible. This is made more difficult by the fact that
our current home isn’t really set up for entertaining. We don’t even have enough chairs for company! We have lived bare bones for a very long time
to pay for Doc’s education; our entertainment budget consists of a Netflix
subscription. It just isn’t possible for
me to entertain the way I would like to, add to that pregnancy and I just find
company overwhelming and stressful.
Regardless, from mid-October until Christmas we had a long string of
company, social engagements, recruiting, and holiday celebrations. My first day “off” on my calendar was
December 22nd. Every other
day from mid-October until December 22nd was full of ‘to do lists’,
company, and social engagements. It is a
crazy busy time and normally we don’t have company, but this year we had a lot
of visitors. It was incredibly stressful
to have no free time, no days off, and to feel like I had to be ‘on’ for that
much time.
The fourth
stressful thing was probably the most difficult, but least controllable stressor. Two days before my mom and step-dad came to
visit for Thanksgiving she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Nothing compares to the despair of knowing
your mom is sick in a way you can’t fix.
My mother, who I know loves me to the moon and back, called my husband
with the news because she didn’t want to cause me stress while pregnant, but
knew I would want to know. Doc got off
work and came home to tell me. I spent a
great deal of time in shock after the news.
I had known something was wrong, but was hoping that it was something
much smaller and easier to fix. Her
ovaries appeared clear in a scan, but she had 3 other masses in her
abdomen. We had to wait on a biopsy to
tell us for sure it was ovarian cancer. It
was devastating news. I would say it
came at the worst possible time, but I don’t think there is a good time to hear
that news. There is no good time to
realize your parents are mortal. Even
more worrisome was the speed at which they were beginning treatment. She delayed treatment so that she could still
visit us for Thanksgiving, but they began immediately when she got back
home. I am thankful that she is in a
place where she is getting the very best care.
She works for Baylor and they are taking excellent care of her. She has started chemotherapy and we should
know after the New Year whether or not they are going to be able to remove the
tumors. My mom is a fighter. She has never walked away from a battle, no
matter how hard, so I know she will make it through this too. She taught me to be a fighter. She taught me to get up and dust myself off
and to just keep swimming. The hardest
part is that we are so far away and I can’t help. My step-dad is taking good care of her
though, and we talk daily. We are just
putting one foot in front of the other until we see what comes next. I do my
best to put worry aside, because worry doesn’t help her and it doesn’t help my
son. She wants me to take the very best
care of her grandson and that is where I try to spend my energy. It is still difficult to know she is sick and
to not be able to be near her to take care of her or comfort her. Thirty-six years ago my mother was exactly as
pregnant with me as I am with my son. I
am due exactly 36 years after the day I was born. It is hard to imagine her as being anything
other than vibrant. I have to
acknowledge that I have no control over this situation and continue to do my
best here and now. That is difficult
because my mom also taught me to be a doer.
I know we are both struggling with the sit around part of cancer
treatments. My husband likes to remind
me frequently that my mother and I are very much alike. J
All of these things
combined have made managing my stress over the last couple of months difficult
to say the least. I try to keep a
regular routine for sleep, eating, and exercise but it has become difficult
with all of the disruptions to our routine.
So two days before Christmas when I started having cramps I wasn’t
really surprised and figured I just needed to rest. Lately rest is all it takes to get the cramps
to stop. I just had 2 more days to get
through (possibly 4 depending on whether or not we would be having visitors
this weekend) and then I could rest. On
Christmas Eve the cramps got worse and began to include a mucus discharge that
was clear/white. I didn’t want to call
the doctor because I wasn’t sure it was a big deal and was afraid it was. My mom is who told me to call, and I did,
because who argues with their mom when she has cancer (bet she is wishing she
had gotten it when I was a teen). I like
to think I am an overly worried patient, but as usual I was less concerned than
the doctor was. Further proof that I did
not attend medical school! The on call
doc ordered me to bed rest for at least a couple of days until the discharge
stopped. She told me that she felt
comfortable with me managing it at home, but I had to promise to come in
immediately if it got worse or included blood.
Apparently the discharge is a bigger deal than I realized. The major perk of being married to a doctor
in this system is that instead of getting admitted to the hospital I get to be
treated at home. Of course, my husband
doesn’t always prefer that as I am far more likely to listen to other
doctors/nurses than I am to him. J
I cried the moment
she ordered me to rest because I was looking forward to going all out for our
Christmas dinner and I had worked hard this year to make sure my husband and
brother-in-law were going to have a really great Christmas and I felt like I
had suddenly ruined it. Of course the
boys didn’t think I ruined anything and they just took over and helped out with
getting things ready. It was still fun,
I just had to be sitting down for most of it.
I am still stuck
on rest. Just when I think it is safe to
do something the cramps and discharge start up again. I think part of the problem was that I had
eaten so many salty and rich foods for the holidays that I was swollen to the
point of discomfort. So the first thing
I did was get back to my regular fresh fruit and veggies snacks & healthy
meals. Doc is also helping out by
keeping track of my blood pressure, doing chores, and just making sure I know
it is okay to not over-do. I am so lucky
to have such a supportive husband; I know that is a real gift unto itself. The final thing I am working on is saying no
and setting boundaries to make sure that I am not over-doing or feeling too
much stress. That means we will probably
not be having visitors for a while. It
also means I will probably be cutting back what I do for the residency, which
is hard because I enjoy it, but I also really enjoy being pregnant and would
like to remain pregnant until my April due date. Some people will understand and some will be
offended. I can’t control how others
react, all I can do is explain with sincerity the problem and consequences, their
feelings are out of my control.
