The last six days were heavenly. Doc had those days off and we spent every
moment of it together. It was the first
time in 3 months that we had time to do that, when it wasn’t an emergency. I cannot stress how important this time
together is. It was time to reflect on
everything that has happened. We had
time to process the journey together, which is what we have always done and it
is why we are sliding into 11 years of happily married. Medicine, in general, doesn’t seem to encourage
happy and healthy marriages. We are going
to change that. It is our family and
then everything else. Not a job and
everything else.
We spent some of our time reflecting on our situation. We weren’t able to deal with all of the emotional stuff when it was fresh, it was just too hard to face. On the day that we found out about the miscarriage Doc couldn’t go home. For hours he drove around. I went with him because I couldn’t bear to not be with him. We ended up crying at the mall, crying in the car, crying in a booth at Jason’s Deli because we couldn’t face our home, where we had begun building a family and planning a future with children. When we finally did return home we had things to put away. Decorations for the nursery, baby’s first onsey, diapers and wipes… things you need only if you have children. We shut the door to the nursery and walked away from the pain. It wasn’t until we had time alone together that we could face it again.
That probably sounds like a horrible way to spend a vacation, but really it was glorious. Facing it allowed us to make plans for the future again, to put the last 3 months in our past instead of allowing it to be constantly in the present. We made new goals for ourselves and our family. We talked about our feelings, apologized for bad behavior (no one likes living with a grump) and came together again. That makes it sound as if we had been living a horrible life recently. It wasn’t that we were super grumpy with each other; it is just that we were not ourselves. Doc and I are affectionate and talkative. We never lack for things to say to each other and we never have more fun than when we are together. For the last three months we have been stuck in our individual pain, so it made it hard for us to be ourselves. We spent time being polite and just going through the motions of what we knew we had to do. It wasn’t connecting and healing, it was survival. Now, because of this time we had together we are back and it feels good. I can finally talk about it all without crying, Doc can talk about it (he tends to not speak when upset), and we are starting to talk about it as a part of our history which allows us to hope for our future. J
We still have doctor’s appointments, blood draws, and all of the other hoops to jump through. We are just back to doing it together.
We spent some of our time reflecting on our situation. We weren’t able to deal with all of the emotional stuff when it was fresh, it was just too hard to face. On the day that we found out about the miscarriage Doc couldn’t go home. For hours he drove around. I went with him because I couldn’t bear to not be with him. We ended up crying at the mall, crying in the car, crying in a booth at Jason’s Deli because we couldn’t face our home, where we had begun building a family and planning a future with children. When we finally did return home we had things to put away. Decorations for the nursery, baby’s first onsey, diapers and wipes… things you need only if you have children. We shut the door to the nursery and walked away from the pain. It wasn’t until we had time alone together that we could face it again.
That probably sounds like a horrible way to spend a vacation, but really it was glorious. Facing it allowed us to make plans for the future again, to put the last 3 months in our past instead of allowing it to be constantly in the present. We made new goals for ourselves and our family. We talked about our feelings, apologized for bad behavior (no one likes living with a grump) and came together again. That makes it sound as if we had been living a horrible life recently. It wasn’t that we were super grumpy with each other; it is just that we were not ourselves. Doc and I are affectionate and talkative. We never lack for things to say to each other and we never have more fun than when we are together. For the last three months we have been stuck in our individual pain, so it made it hard for us to be ourselves. We spent time being polite and just going through the motions of what we knew we had to do. It wasn’t connecting and healing, it was survival. Now, because of this time we had together we are back and it feels good. I can finally talk about it all without crying, Doc can talk about it (he tends to not speak when upset), and we are starting to talk about it as a part of our history which allows us to hope for our future. J
We still have doctor’s appointments, blood draws, and all of the other hoops to jump through. We are just back to doing it together.
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