November 2, 2011 – Pointe shoes off!

I think taking a little break from worrying about baby (or lack there of) has been a wonderfully reparative thing.  Not that we stopped trying, it was just nice to have a few decisions made and to let Doc take the lead.  I will be making my appointment with the specialist after a “girls weekend” I have planned this week.  Doc and the puppies will just have to fend for themselves! J

One of the ways I know that taking a break was the right thing to do is just that I don’t feel so emotionally spent.  I was recently asked about infertility during a dinner and I didn’t get mad or cry.  I was able to have a frank and open discussion without all the emotional burdens that had been coming up around the topic.  I didn’t feel attacked or belittled by the conversation, it was just a chat.  It of course helped that the individual was very kind and well mannered, but I also didn’t feel like I expected people to walk on eggshells in order to avoid hurting my feelings.  I even laughed. 

Its interview season in the world of residency programs and that means discussing health care packages and of course children once again.  This is going to be a part of my life.  Doc loves being a part of the educational process, so I should get used to these things.  The break helped a lot.  It also helped that I am done rationalizing and blaming and well into the acceptance that this isn’t going to be an easy process.  I have very little control over the situation, so I need to be ready to ride whatever road comes along.  You know what they say, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”  He knows my plans… time I figure out his. 

I really couldn’t do any of this without my friends and family.  I can’t tell you how much it means that several of my girlfriends have offered to come and help if Doc has to miss my surgery.  I’m trying to schedule things so that Doc can be there, but it is so nice to know I am not alone.  Sometimes it is the emotional handholding that means the most!  So, thank you all for being so awesome! J I love you!