June 29, 2013 – Post-Op

I am now 5 days post-op and doing well.  The surgery went very well.  In fact the doctor was unable to find any endometriosis!  We had pictures from my last laparoscopy so my doctor could see where the endometriosis was and then he printed us new pictures to show us it is nowhere to be found now!  I haven’t had a chance to talk to my doctor about this little miracle.  I was under the impression that once they found it you would always have it.  This is excellent news in the land of infertility where endometriosis can cause big problems.  However, this leaves us all a bit more stumped as to why we are having so much trouble getting pregnant!  I didn't get a chance to talk to my doctor post-op as he had to hurry back to see his clinic patients and I was very busy sleeping.  However, he did talk to Doc.  His basic assessment was that all things being equal we should be pregnant.  Doc’s sperm count and morphology are good.  I appear to be healthy.  We should be pregnant.  But we aren't.  So now what?

The doctor did say that stress (even the stress of trying to have a baby) can cause difficulty getting pregnant.  So once again I am being given the order to chill out.  He also pointed out that we aren’t exactly living the stress free life style with Doc in residency and all the scary things that have happened during our efforts to start a family.  Despite what the general population thinks doctors work long, hard hours, and they are not rewarded with a magic pot of gold for doing so.  I stay home because we live on a very tight budget not because we are rolling in dough.  So, the doctor ordered us to take a vacation, have some fun, and not worry about the baby making thing for a bit.  This sounds good in theory, but we haven’t had a real vacation in years.  Doc doesn’t exactly have loads of free time and we don’t have tons (or any) disposable income.  So, it will have to wait.  And honestly, Doc and I are enjoying the non-scheduled time we have together.  Ritualized, forced sex just isn’t as intimate as we would like it to be and we believe that sex should be an enjoyable activity in a marriage.  So for the time being we are taking a break from worrying, counting, stressing, micro-managing our fertility desires.  For the time being we are just going to enjoy each other.  We are blessed to be married to our best friend.  We are blessed to get to spend the time we do together and really enjoy each other’s company.  So, for the time being that is what we will focus on.  Maybe in a couple of months we will take it more seriously again, but for now we are good with a break. 

We are currently managing to get our regular baby fix by being an Auntie and Uncle to my dear friend’s baby girl.  She brings so much joy into our lives and we are so thankful to get to spend so much time with her.  She is at that age where she can express that she is excited to see us (although not in words) and we just love singing and playing with her.  She reminds us that our lives with always include children, because it is just a part of who we are. 

In other words, once again I find myself counting our blessings, which doesn’t leave me much time to mope about what we don’t have.  Do we still want children?  Absolutely!  But this is the life we have and we can choose to enjoy it for what it is or be miserable because of what it isn’t.  I choose to be happy for all the amazing blessings in our life and to let go of the things that are out of my control.  Life is short and God only gives us the one to live.  We should always focus on being grateful for the things we do have, instead of being sour about the things we don’t.  It takes the same amount of energy but has vastly different results.  J