January 4, 2013 – Day 15

Day 15 came and according to my new instruction sheet I was to call the office for directions.  I did and they scheduled me for an ultrasound.  No idea what for, just agreed to come in for it.  The woman I met with still didn’t explain to me what they were doing.  When I asked (while she was already looking) she said it was to look at my ovaries.  I kind of figured that out because my favorite magic wand was back! 

She showed me that on my right ovary I have 1 decent looking egg that I will ovulate this month.  I have another smaller egg that may also ovulate this month.  On my left ovary I had roughly 4 that were not going to amount to much even if they did ovulate this month (which she said they may not).  All this fun with Clomid and I have 1 egg.  I am learning a lot about acceptance this week. 

She then told me they could go ahead a schedule me for insemination the following day (Friday/Day 16).  I asked if perhaps it would be a bit early since we are only on Day 15 and my surge doesn’t usually occur until Day 18 and ovulation occurs after the surge.  She became obviously annoyed with me.  It was the “how dare you question me” scowl.  I didn’t care; what she was saying didn’t make sense to me and she didn’t seem to have an answer except to tell me if I wait I could miss it.  She kept saying my egg was 17.  I still have no clue what that means.  I told her I had to discuss it with my husband before I could schedule anything. 

As I got dressed I kept thinking about how this new office made me feel.  I feel like a piece stuck on a conveyor belt.  There is no thought to how people are different, we are all treated exactly the same.  They have a recipe that seems to work well for them, or well enough that they keep using it, but what happens if someone doesn’t fit that mold?  It really feels very impersonal and like they are in it for the money.  “Shut up and hand us your money.” 

Doc was working, so we couldn’t talk until the evening, which would make it too late to schedule for Friday anyway.  I called him and left a message explaining what had happened.  He sent me a text that he didn’t really know what to do either.  I then spent the day worrying about whether I was going to miss my time if I didn’t schedule for Friday.  In the end I decided to call the fertility doctor and ask, after all I am already paying him for his opinion.  He called me back after the office closed, which was fine because I know most clinic doctors finish patients and notes before returning messages. 

He agreed that Friday seemed a little early given that I usually ovulate on Day 18, but did tell me that numerous studies have shown no difference in pregnancy rates for insemination that happens a few days before or after the surge.  He said Saturday would work or if it made me feel more comfortable I could wait until the surge.  I still wasn’t left with the warm and fuzzies.  After Doc made it home and we had a chat we decided Saturday (Day 17) might work out best for us. 

I called this morning to schedule the procedure and Doc’s drop off of sperm.  Turns out they only take sperm in the morning on weekends and Doc would still be working at the hospital at that time.  When I let her know we wouldn’t be scheduling anything she offered to have the sperm frozen if we could get it there by 10:30 today.  Doc is switching to nights, so I called him to see if that would work.  We managed to get the sample there just before 10:30!  They waived the $50 freezing and storage fee because they are just keeping it one night, which was the nicest thing they have done so far.  Next month we will pay $50 to have sperm stored in advance just to avoid dealing with Doc’s schedule.  At 9:30 tomorrow morning I am off to see a doctor I have never met (mine’s partner) who will hopefully knock me up.  I am struggling with this decision a lot.  I dislike this process, I distrust the people I am supposed to rely on, and I just haven’t had time to sort things out for myself yet.  I understand we have maxed out the options for getting pregnant on our own, I am just unhappy about our options. 

I realize being unhappy about them won’t change the situation.  For right now I have decided to continue and go to the insemination.  I plan to continue to be polite to the people I come in contact with and give them a chance to warm up.  I will pray about each encounter and ask for guidance in my own actions.  I will be positive about my 1 egg because it only takes 1 egg and 1 sperm to make a baby.  I have to remain focused on our goal.