Today is Day 7, also known as my last day of Clomid for this
month. It seems like time has been
passing so quickly lately! This is my
fourth total dose of Clomid and my 2nd dose since the miscarriage. I am trying not to worry about the side
effects or whether or not we get pregnant.
I am really focusing on trying to stay in the moment and just
relax.
A lot of the initial side effects are better this time
around. I have a nightly hormonal migraine
that sets in just after sunset, but each day it seems to be getting better so I
am hopeful that they will be gone soon.
The crying and emotional stuff is still here, but I am surrounded by
people who love me and understand that if I don’t sound like myself it is
probably just hormones. I am thankful
for their forgiveness when I am cranky and thankful for their laughter when I
am crying. Mostly, I am just thankful
for such good friends.
Doc is stuck on an inpatient rotation this month, which definitely
interferes with our trying. During the
first two weeks of the month he was on nights, so he was gone all night and
slept all day. I saw him for only a
brief moment when he was getting ready for work and when he first got
home. No quality time. Then he switched to days and the schedule
hasn’t gotten much better. I see him for
about an hour in the evenings.
Unfortunately the hospital is very full right now and that means Doc has
to spend more time at work. I understand
that and am glad that his patients have him as a doctor, because I know he
takes very good care of them all. It
does however make trying difficult.
Scheduled sex isn’t exactly romantic to begin with, but when you see
each other for only an hour out of every day, romance seems like the least of
our worries. Really the problem is that I
just miss Doc. He is my best friend and
I find his presence so comforting that being away from him is what makes the
rest of this hard to handle. We had
extra time together yesterday and were able to spend a few hours together. I can’t explain the difference it makes to
just be near him.
Thankfully this month is coming to an end and next month is
going to be a much easier schedule. This
should help us with our trying because I will most likely ovulate in the
beginning of October. I am trying not to
think about the pain that occurs around ovulation right now. I just take deep breaths and center myself
back in this moment. Worrying about pain
that I know is coming will only make it worse.
So for now I will focus on this beautiful day, take my dogs for a walk,
go to the library, and have lunch with a friend. And I will spend every minute looking forward
to the moment when I see Doc tonight. An
hour is better than nothing at all! J
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