September 8, 2012 – Limbo

My progesterone check was yesterday and it came back as 25.  This is exactly halfway in between my previous 2 scores (pregnant and not pregnant), so we are stuck in limbo again.  We should know for sure by the end of next week. 

I am trying hard to keep myself calm and just go with the flow, and also trying to prepare myself for another month of Clomid.  That is a slightly depressing thought even outside of the desire to get pregnant, because the side effects are so hard. 

Doc has remained relatively aloof on the topic, so I know he is trying hard to keep his own anxieties and excitement in check.  Although he acknowledged how difficult the side effects were by offering me a month off if I needed it.  Also, while fixing up the guest room he refused to comment on it.  When I finally asked if he liked it he replied with, “I do, I think it looks great.  Do you think we are pregnant?”  So I know it is on his mind too.  He is also a lot more hopeful about our 25 than I am. 

The guest room is done.  We went through all of our old school notes and notebooks and threw out a ton of stuff.  We also sold 5 boxes of books last weekend.  It was hard letting go of so much from our past, but it was also nice to make a little room for our future. 

I will see my doctor Wednesday and let you guys know how that goes.  It is just an ovary check, but I also have to ask him how to handle the news of yes or no as he is going out of town the next day.  Having a plan in place for both alternatives will help me reduce my anxiety about everything.  Until then, one foot in front of the other! J