September 23, 2013 – What a long strange trip it has been...

    Following our surgery we decided to really take a break from the fertility game.  I threw all of the testing stuff out, no more pregnancy or ovulation tests under the sink; Cold turkey detox off the fertility try-cycle.  We had been through enough and come out the other side with fewer answers than we thought we had all along.  It was so frustrating and exhausting to think about that we just decided to be done with it.  Once we got into the swing of not thinking about it things actually got a lot easier.  Our lives felt lighter and we realized we would be okay without children.  I spend 2 days a week with my sweet niece and I know that time is precious to her as well, so we know children will always be a part of our lives no matter what.  We decided to plan a big trip for next year to celebrate all of the wonderful things that have happened over the last 3 years.  One of the benefits of being child-free is that you can do pretty much whatever you want, right?  With new plans in place for our lives we were content and happy with our decision to take a break. 

     Of course towards the end of our second month we decided maybe we would think about trying again.  We still weren’t 100% convinced we really wanted back on the try-cycle though.  We were actually standing at Target, hand reaching for the ovulation kits, when we started to think about the schedule.  We decided we were going to wait a little longer before jumping back in.  Doc was going to be on an inpatient rotation and we just didn’t want to add the stress of the try-cycle back into our lives yet.  Besides we were still enjoying our new child-free fantasy.  So we decided we would wait until September to think about trying.  Well, you know the saying, “tell God your plans so he can have a good laugh”?  That pretty much sums up our lives. 

       It turns out that on that July day when we stood in Target debating whether or not we were really going to be getting back on the try-cycle we were already pregnant.  Yep, we got pregnant by accident.  I don’t think you can really call it an accident, because we were having unprotected sex, but after 2+ years of unprotected sex and not getting pregnant we really weren’t thinking pregnancy was an option.  Then early August hit and no period.  Doc instantly said I needed to take a test.  I waved him off and told him not to get his hopes up.  I finally caved, bought a test and took it.  Negative.  “See, you are silly.  I am not pregnant.”  A couple of days past and I can’t even remember what made me think maybe I should retake the test.  I bought 3 different brands and decided I would use my first morning void to test.  At 5:30 in the morning I had 3 positive pregnancy tests.  SURPRISE!!!

       I think it may be hard for people to understand the emotions that followed.  It can be described as joy, fear, excitement, disbelief, and a whole lot of trepidation.  If you have trouble understanding this, please take a look back at my blogs from April 2 years ago.  I nearly died the last time we miscarried and we have a greater than 60% chance of miscarrying again.  I don’t even get coin flip odds!  By 8am I was on the phone with my OB’s office and texting my normal doctor.  By 3:30 I was in for labs and scheduled for 3 more sets of labs over the next week.  Things moved incredibly fast and we all assumed crash positions.  I was schedule for my first ultrasound 17 days after my first phone call (6 weeks pregnant).  Normally you wait until closer to 12-13 weeks for the first ultrasound. 

        I didn’t make it to my first ultrasound.  The bleeding started after a run one night.  Every night we run or walk 3.1 miles as a family.  We take our 2 dogs and just go.  We came home that night and I was exhausted and had spotting.  Panic set in.  At 5 weeks they had me in for an ultrasound to see if I was miscarrying or had an ectopic pregnancy.  The sack was present in the uterus, but no baby visible just yet.  We were going to have to wait another week.  I continued to have spotting.  I was told to take it easy and was put on a 15lb weight restriction.  No running, no sex, and walking more than a couple of miles lead to increased bleeding.  On August 22 Doc and I went in for another ultrasound.  I had a panic attack getting ready.  I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to do this again.  I was literally on the floor bawling and gasping for air.  For those of you who know me, that isn’t me.  It was essentially the same reaction I had when we found out we lost our last baby.  It was terrible.  At around 11:40 Doc and I saw our little Tadpole for the first time.  We also saw a heartbeat.  It was the most glorious and magnificent thing either of us had ever seen.  We had never seen a heartbeat before.  As glorious as it was, we still weren’t clear and our doctor advised us not to tell anyone.  We had kept it pretty quiet, just letting the people it affected know (I had to stop watching my niece and Doc needed to get off of work for the appointments). 

        We scheduled the next ultrasound for 9 weeks.  This time we had something looking a little more like a baby (at 6 weeks Tadpole looked like a gummy bear hugging my uterus).  As the tech pushed on my belly to get a good image we got to see Tadpole swat at her, another first for us, and again that amazing and wonderful heart beating strong.  Our doctor was decidedly more optimistic following this ultrasound.  The spotting seemed to finally be letting up and my weight restriction was moved to 25lbs for the duration of the pregnancy and I was released to continue my exercise within reason.  If I am tired I am supposed to stop, which is so contrary to having spent the summer pushing myself to go harder and faster.  Because I spend every day nauseated I was concerned about not gaining any weight and my doctor said it was okay.  Just to try not to lose weight (I had lost 11lbs running this summer).  We decided to still keep quiet which was getting more difficult because my body was undergoing some pretty obvious changes.  Apparently it remembers being pregnant and decided to sport the baby belly a little early this go around. 

      This morning we had our 11 week ultrasound.  I had been told when I tried to schedule the appointment that my doctor would be on vacation this week, so I had to schedule with a new doctor.  However, it turned out my doctor was there after all.  We got another look at our little Tadpole.  Tadpole has moved to face outward and is moving into the center of my belly, which is good.  We think we caught during nap time because there was no movement today, but the heart beat is still good and strong.  We were 20 minutes past our appointment time with the new doctor when I finally gave up and had to go to the restroom.  I pee every 30 minutes (wish I were exaggerating).  On the way back I saw my doctor and stopped to say hi.  He was surprised to see me and I explained why we weren’t scheduled with him today.  He totally snaked the appointment and saw us anyway.  ;-) Have I mentioned lately how much I love my doctors?  So we ended up seeing our favorite OB and hearing that things look perfect.  Tadpole is perfect, the pregnancy is progressing perfectly, and we are all starting to plan for an April delivery.  He wants my thyroid checked every month until I hit 20 weeks, but my normal doc has been on top of that, so we are good there.  They took blood today to check for a few abnormalities, but we aren’t worrying about the results too much at this point.  Doc and I are thrilled and terrified and just feeling like we have been on such a roller coaster ride over the past 3 months.  

    I also got my flu shot today.  The pharmacy student who gave it to me said I was the first person to ever ask for it.  Apparently most people try to avoid getting them.  If you are having a baby, know someone having a baby, or come in contact with babies please get your flu and pertussis vaccines.  It could save a child’s life.