February 12, 2013 – Miracles

I had the most amazing day today.  At about 9:30 this morning my dear friend called and let me know she had been having contractions since about 3:30.  They were irregular and tolerable, but while on the phone I could tell they were getting more intense.  This is the same dear friend who has held my hand through uncomfortable procedures and has been there for both Doc and I as we faced the last 2 years.  When I found out her husband had gone into work that day and would be in surgery for the morning I asked her if I could come sit with her.  What followed was simply the most healing and amazing day of my life. 

By the time I got to her house she already had a call in to the doctor.  We were just sitting down to watch a movie when the doctor called and asked if we could make it into the office to get her checked.  We were fine with that as it put us in the hospital where the baby would be born and where her husband was working.  From that moment on I spent the day holding my dear friend’s hand and comforting her through her contractions, waiting excitedly with her for this new arrival.  It turns out that those 22 days of contractions last spring taught me a lot about being a woman in labor.  It was all that knowledge that I used to help support and comfort my friend.  To be able to take something that was so difficult for me and turn it into something so amazing and positive was the ultimate healing action for me. 

My friend had become pregnant 4 months after Doc and I had which means we found out her good news when we were still lost in our deepest grief.  In the moment that she shared her news with me I vowed to try and keep the two events separate in my mind so that I could be as happy for her as she deserved and be as excited about her baby as a friend should be.  There were times when it was hard.  Times when it felt like my grief would overwhelm me, but I refused to pull back or give up.  I could tend to my needs in private.  My dear friend deserved to have her friends be excited with her and support her.  I wanted to do everything for her that I would have liked done for me had we been expecting our first baby.  And during the last 9 months our friendship has grown in ways that I didn’t know were possible.  I don’t even really have the right words to describe it. 

After a day of intense bonding she delivered a healthy baby girl.  Doc and I were standing in the hall when we heard her first cry.  I was crying and praying, Doc was reviewing care of new born infants and trying to figure out where to get a gown just in case anything went wrong.  He took 2 steps towards the door looking very serious, but then the little girl gave out a good hearty cry and he retreated.  You can’t take the doctor out of the man, and I love him for caring so much about our friends and their new baby.  We gave the new family some time before we visited.   My friend was the most beautiful I have ever seen her, which is amazing considering how busy her day had been.  As we all gazed lovingly at this new addition my sweet friend looked up at me as if she had just remembered something very important and said, “When do we find out your next test or start your next cycle?”  I laughed and it took me a minute to even remember when we test next or will start a new cycle.  I gave her the update and then Doc asked to check the baby.  We all agreed to switch places in about a year or so and laughed about the amazing and miraculous day we had. 

Four times yesterday I had people ask me if I was okay.  I honestly didn’t understand the question.  I was doing great; I was much more worried about my friend and her baby than about anything going on in my life.  My joy for her had overwhelmed any and all remaining grief for myself.  I was grateful that I was able to provide her support and comfort.  That meant that I had to be grateful for how I obtained the knowledge to do so.  No, that doesn’t mean I am grateful for the miscarriage.  I am sure I could have just as easily had that knowledge from delivering a healthy baby in October, but maybe not.  Maybe I needed 22 days to make it stick so clearly in my mind so that I could have the most amazing bonding experience with my friend.  Maybe it took that to open me up to being so vulnerable with my friend.  Maybe it took that to make me comfortable and calm enough to make it okay for my friend to do the same.  I really don’t know.  All I know is I wouldn’t have traded yesterday for anything.  It was an amazing, wonderful, and miraculously healing day.  It was also a really cool way to welcome another girl into the world. J

Note: I am sorry for the vagueness of details, but I am trying to tell my side of the story without betraying my friend’s story.  That story is hers to tell.