June 3rd, 2013 - New Horizons

Doc and I have had a lot to think about and a lot of decisions to make.  We took some time to make sure that we gave the decisions the time and energy that they deserve.  We still haven’t come up with all the answers.  It is amazing how much energy trying has taken and how much better we both feel being away from that cycle.  That being said, we still know we would like to have a family. 

The first decision we made was that we will not be going back to the fertility clinic we had been using.  We both hate them.  The doctor had no bedside manner, something I find to be incredibly important in a doctor.  Basically he was a douche bag.  He never examined me, never attended any procedures to make sure things were done properly and didn’t order any follow up blood work or examinations to ensure the meds were working without doing harm.  I am not even sure he ever really read my chart.  He was not a good doctor, I don’t care how close to the top of his class he graduated he sucked.  By the way we know a lot of doctors who were top of their class; they all suffer from the same lack of social skills/douche baggery.  Then there were the nurses.  I am pretty sure that I could charge at least one of them with rape.  Not something I would joke about.  She was a rapist nurse.  She did awesome things like removed a speculum without collapsing it, and of course it was the biggest speculum she could find!  She also repeatedly injured my cervix which caused some serious pain and spotting that would last a day or more.  When the procedure is done well on me there is no spotting and no pain.  I have a perfectly centered cervix that is soft and malleable.  People could teach on my cervix and yet every time I had her it was torture.   Regardless, they won’t be making any more money off of us and I won’t have to be tortured by them anymore.  Yay!!!  And no, I wouldn’t recommend them. 

As excited as I was about this decision it did leave us with another dilemma; where will we go if we don’t go there?  The answer wasn’t as simple.  My OB/GYN was stumped on this one too.  The best doctor he knew for infertility had retired and it has left us with a hole that the above jerks have happily filled.  So, I hit the web looking for the best clinics in the country.  Then within a 24 hour period I had 2 different friends, who have never met, recommend a clinic in Colorado to me.  The recommendation came attached to success stories for doctors at our hospital that had used them!  So of course I checked them out.  They have the highest success rates in the country!  You can check out success rates at http://www.sart.org/find_frm.html  all fertility clinics are required to submit them.  Their success rate is nearly double that of the clinic we had been to.  The only problem is the price tag for treatment is nearly double what we were paying and requires us to be able to travel to them a few days a month.  Obviously, we can’t afford that and Doc has almost no say in his schedule to plan for last minute trips.  So, we will have to put that idea on hold.  Regardless, we will not be going back to the clinic here.  They were awful! 

In the meantime we decided to go ahead with an exploratory laparoscopy.  Basically, we are going to let my OB/GYN go roaming around my lower abdomen to see if everything looks healthy.  I had one when I was 20 and had some endometriosis burned off, but apparently times have changed.  My doctor will remove any endometriosis that he finds rather than burn it.  I am hopeful that the surgery might give us some answers, but I am also terrified that I won’t like those answers.  I am having the procedure done at the end of the month.  My doctor scheduled me over his noon hour which was very sweet of him.  He fit me in on his non surgery day so that Doc could be there.  He really understands our position.  I really appreciate him doing so much for us.  When I called to talk over our options with him he was very understanding of why we didn’t like the fertility clinic we were going to.  He also said he would be willing to manage our care should we decide to use a clinic that was out of state.  I love my doctors here.  My dream is that together we all figure out what is going on and Doc and I are able to get pregnant without further intervention.  Maybe the surgery will give us that, maybe it will steer us in a new direction, maybe it will just leave us all scratching our heads even more.  The truth is the only way to know for sure is to go through with it.  So, I scheduled my dreaded surgery on one of Doc’s rare days off.  Wish us luck!