November 21, 2012 – Grateful On a Day to Be Thankful

Doc and I are grateful for a month without Clomid and the fertility schedule.  Due to his crazy and hectic schedule this month we did, however, forget that Thanksgiving is this week.  I have written before about my theory of being grateful every day, so it seems a bit redundant to have a day to be thankful.  It is also hard to remember holidays because Doc is working, so they are just another day in our household.  We celebrate days off!  Yesterday was one of Doc’s few days off this month.  The day was packed full and included 4 hours of work related tasks, so it didn’t feel much like a day off.  It was the first time that we had been able to talk since my doctor suggested additional tests and a break from Clomid, so that was something to be grateful for. 

We needed the break from Clomid. The idea of additional tests is scary, but we would like some answers.  We should have a few of the answers on Monday.  Doc had the wonderful experience of turning in a sample to the fertility clinic yesterday.  I was downright gleeful that he finally had a slightly embarrassing test.  After 17 months of very embarrassing, painful, and terrible tests/side effects I think I deserve a break.  Doc agreed that it was his turn.  He said that he figured if I can endure everything I have had to so that we can have children then turning in a cup of sperm was the very least he could do.  I love that man.  He had to follow at 12 step set of directions for collecting his sample, which we both thought was hilarious.  He also said that 16 yr/old Doc would have been much happier about the idea of being ordered to masturbate than grown up Doc was.  Obviously, we handled the task with our usual sense of humor. 

My testing will be done on Tuesday afternoon.  Doc is going to be stuck at the hospital working in the PICU that day, so a friend has agreed to take me.  I am so grateful for the friends we have made here.  They are so supportive and wonderful.  It really does take a village, and we have found ourselves in one heck of a village.  God knew what he was doing when he put us here. 

I am nervous about the tests and have heard it described as everything from slightly uncomfortable to horrendous torture.  The reality of the situation is that because I have made the choice to go through with the test, I have no choice but to deal with whatever pain or discomfort the test brings.  So there really is no point in worrying about it.  At this point the answers we get from the tests are worth any temporary discomfort we may experience. 

Regardless of the answers we get, we are grateful for each other and the life we share.  I am so grateful to be married to this amazingly loving, kind, funny, and supportive man.  And as much as I like to complain about his job and the strain it places on us, I am so proud of him and how he chooses to spend his life.  I am grateful for living where we do, being surrounded by the amazing people here, and getting the chance to be a part of something much bigger than our petty struggles.  I am eternally grateful that I am still able to make a difference in the lives of children by helping those that are caring for them and helping to improve the environment of the hospital.  I am grateful for the people who allow me to use my skills and training to help them make informed decisions to help improve the hospital, program, and atmosphere of our world.  Regardless of the answers we receive, this is a wonderful life.  J