August 29, 2012 – Day 12

We are on to Day 12 of this try-cycle.  The side effects hit me way earlier this time, almost as soon as I started taking the Clomid.  I have had lots of nausea and headaches to deal with.  Thankfully the side effects seem to be abating quickly.  I am feeling better each day, although the emotional toll of being on the Clomid is certainly not easing.  Doc finds the crying particularly funny.  It probably is funny to watch your wife, who normally doesn’t cry, burst into tears while trying to explain why the movie The Hunger Games left out the most important details from the book. 

I am trying to keep myself grounded though.  The dogs keep me company on long walks around town and have been watching as I clean out our guest room.  We refuse to refer to it as the baby’s room, because I think we are both afraid to jinx it.  Regardless, the room is ready for company.  We are both very hopeful this time and we are trying to stay focused on the positives.  There are still fears, but there may always be fears.  Hopefully this time is different though.  Hopefully our journey with infertility will find a happy ending. 

We will have a progesterone draw on Day 21 to ensure ovulation and then on Day 28 I will see my doctor to have my ovaries checked to ensure they are not overly stimulated.  We are back on the try-cycle! 

August 20, 2012 - Let the fun begin!

Today is Day 1 of my 3^rd round of Clomid.  I have been feeling very anxious this weekend.  I indulged in a few pregnancy forbidden foods and drinks (pina colada, donut, sweet tea, deli meat, etc.) and attempted to clean and bake my way out of anxiety.  Waking up at 6am tells me I was unsuccessful.  I can’t put my finger on the exact reason for my anxiety.  I can’t tell if it is because I am nervous about the side effects, nervous about getting pregnant again, or if I am just having some random anxiety.  I just know I am anxious.  It could also be this little fear that we will go through all of this again only to not get pregnant at all.  It is hard to sign up for these awful side effects, the constant poking and prodding, the intense scheduling and to not be guaranteed an outcome. 

This weekend Doc and I reviewed the schedule to make sure that we have our trying days planned for when he is not working and is in town.  He has to go out of town for a few days for work this month, which makes things difficult when we are supposed to be trying every other day.  Looking at the calendar was a little daunting.  I had forgotten how scheduled our lives were when we were trying.  It made me very grateful for our break.  We have Clomid for the next 5 days, flu shot today (so I am covered this season), on Day 21 I go in for a progesterone check, Day 28 is a check to make sure my ovaries are not overstimulated, and Day 32 is a pregnancy test if I haven’t started my period.  Rinse and repeat.  I am really hoping we are pregnant by the end of this cycle. 

August 1, 2012 - The Try-Cycle

It is hard to believe how quickly the time flies.  We are gearing up for another session of trying (which I have dubbed our “try-cycle”).  I have my final HCG lab draw on Tuesday; once the all clear is given we are free to start trying again.  I should start my period within a few days after that and we will start another round of Clomid.  I am trying not to dwell on the side effects and crazy hormone madness that will follow that.  Instead I am focusing on enjoying the last few days of the forbidden fruits.  I am indulging in soft cheeses, pina coladas, spicy foods (which I could only tolerate for the first month of pregnancy before the heartburn kicked in), and a little caffeine (although I am cutting back).  I am also making sure that I am getting myself back on a rigid schedule for my meds, vitamins, meals and sleep.  In short, I am doing all of the things I need to do to ensure we have the best possible chances of conception. 

We are starting to get a little excited about trying again.  It is really hard to explain to people who haven’t struggled with infertility, but you can actually get tired of sex.  I can tell instantly if someone has struggled with infertility by their reaction to a comment about the scheduled trying.  Anyone who hasn’t had forced sex every other day for 8 months will think it sounds like fun.  Anyone who has had fertility issues is more understanding.  When you are on a scheduled fertility period there is no break.  You have taken drugs, suffered side effects, and you may only get one shot.  You have sex regardless of your feelings.  You have sex when sick, if you have company, if you are exhausted, if you are angry with your spouse.  You do it because you have to if you want to have a hope of getting pregnant.  You have sex in the position your doctor tells you to and you stay in bed for an hour after sex, just like the doctor told you.  It isn’t exactly the playboy fantasy.  Thankfully, we had a break where we couldn’t have sex and couldn’t be trying and we are back to being interested in each other. 

I think it also helps that we are both hopeful that our try-cycle will be shorter this time.  We know we can get pregnant, we know the Clomid worked after only 2 months last time, we are hopeful.  We are planning on success.  Wish us luck! J