September 29, 2013 – 12 weeks

We are excited to have made it to 12 weeks without major incident.  As we are finishing out the first trimester here is what has been going on:

Morning sickness: the only time I am not sick is in the morning.  Eating dinner after 6pm will result in throwing up.  Brushing my teeth does the same.  I have to brush, vomit, brush, and go to bed.  I have to try my best to get in enough calories early in the day that I don’t lose weight each day.  Some days are definitely better than others, and some are much worse.  One night it was so bad I burst blood vessels around my eyes.  It was a sexy look on my ultra-fair skin.  According to my OB it is going to get worse before it starts getting better.  He told me that on the very same day I burst blood vessels that night.  As long as I am able to maintain my weight it is okay for me to be sick.  The baby is fine and my being sick is awful and uncomfortable for me, but not at all hurting my baby.  I asked.  Three times.  I try to think of morning sickness as God’s way of reminding me I am pregnant until I can count kicks. 

Medications: No additional meds for morning sickness or any symptoms.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, has told me to take my Zofram.  I am uncomfortable taking anything during the first trimester.  I am a house wife; if I am sick it really isn’t a big deal.  If I need a nap I can take one and if I need to vomit I can hang out on my bathroom floor for as long as I want.  I don’t have a job that I must get to.  If I need to wake up at midnight to eat, I can do that too.  So why would I take a medication which adds unknown risk to my pregnancy?  Here is another thing I think my friends/family don’t understand; If I took Zofram to avoid morning sickness and then lost this baby I would be unable to live with myself even if it had nothing to do with the Zofram.  If I took anything to avoid a symptom that I could have lived safely with and lost this baby I would be unable to forgive myself.  That is a big deal.  Last night I was questioning my decision and asked Doc if he thought I was crazy and should just take the Zofram already.  He drops this bomb on me, which hardened my resolve; The OB said not to take it until you were safely into your second trimester.  Somehow I totally missed this conversation.  Doc looked at me like I was crazy for not remembering it, but I get all excited and nervous at the doctor’s office and they show me the baby and things are pretty much a wash after that.  So, the guy I pay to worry about safely delivering a healthy baby said not to take it and that being sick is safe.  I am going to just live with the morning sickness for a bit longer. 

Baby bump: I am already showing.  My body started moving fat all around the moment I was pregnant.  My belly sports most of it and my boobs the rest.  The baby bump is starting to get harder as baby stretches the muscles.  It is kind of amazing to see how major the changes are.  When I went for my massage last week my masseuse was worried that I had lost weight because I looked thinner everywhere (awesome thing to hear from someone who sees you naked).  I showed her my baby bump and explained it all moved around.  It means I couldn’t fit into normal pants for very long, but I bought some maternity pants and am not really sure why anyone wears anything else. 

Sleep: I have fun pregnancy insomnia.  I feel exhausted all the time, but just can’t sleep.  Sometimes a “nap” consists of me lying in bed for 2 hours so I can manage 30 minutes of sleep.  I wake up frequently at night, sometimes just to pee but sometimes just because.  I am usually up from 2:30-5:30.  It is rare that I sleep longer than 2 hours at a time, although I have managed a 4 hour nap on a few afternoons.

Exercise: I was cleared to return to my normal workout.  I am rarely up for our nightly 3 miles any more.  We go after 6 and that is when the symptoms are usually the worst.  I shoot for 3-4 times a week and cut myself a break if I can’t make it.  Doc and I have been trying to go for walks at other times just to make sure I get my exercise in.  When I do go I try to run part of it and walk what I can’t run.  As the baby grows the part I can run gets shorter.  I loved spending that time with my family and dogs and want it to continue to be a part of my life.  We have another 5k coming up next month, so hopefully we will continue to enjoy this family activity.  There is more talk about joining the YMCA as winter approaches and walking outside will become more dangerous. 

Stress:  The one thing my doctor came down hard on was doing anything that adds stress to my life.  Anything that makes sleeping or eating more difficult than it already is needs to be off the table.  I promised to work on that and have made some adjustments to my schedule to try and improve the amount of stress I have.  You would think being home I have very little stress, but trust me, no life is perfect and stress free.  I still have bills to worry about, a household to run, and the normal stress of family/friends.  Not to mention that I am on my 3^rd pregnancy with a history of them not going so well. 

Weight gain:  The part every woman dreads about being pregnant.  So far I haven’t gained any weight.  I think the morning sickness is part of that, but also I was overweight to begin with so I don’t need to gain a ton of weight with my pregnancy.  The OB said 15-25 pounds was going to be perfect and that not gaining weight in the first trimester wasn’t a concern.  If I haven’t gained weight by the next visit he said we would have to talk.  I am assuming the minute the morning sickness lifts I will begin putting on weight. 

Overall, things are going well.  We are still cautiously optimistic and just trying to spend each day living in the moment.  We have 3 more weeks before we see our OB again, which is kind of nice because it means he feels like things are going well.  J

September 23, 2013 – What a long strange trip it has been...

    Following our surgery we decided to really take a break from the fertility game.  I threw all of the testing stuff out, no more pregnancy or ovulation tests under the sink; Cold turkey detox off the fertility try-cycle.  We had been through enough and come out the other side with fewer answers than we thought we had all along.  It was so frustrating and exhausting to think about that we just decided to be done with it.  Once we got into the swing of not thinking about it things actually got a lot easier.  Our lives felt lighter and we realized we would be okay without children.  I spend 2 days a week with my sweet niece and I know that time is precious to her as well, so we know children will always be a part of our lives no matter what.  We decided to plan a big trip for next year to celebrate all of the wonderful things that have happened over the last 3 years.  One of the benefits of being child-free is that you can do pretty much whatever you want, right?  With new plans in place for our lives we were content and happy with our decision to take a break. 

     Of course towards the end of our second month we decided maybe we would think about trying again.  We still weren’t 100% convinced we really wanted back on the try-cycle though.  We were actually standing at Target, hand reaching for the ovulation kits, when we started to think about the schedule.  We decided we were going to wait a little longer before jumping back in.  Doc was going to be on an inpatient rotation and we just didn’t want to add the stress of the try-cycle back into our lives yet.  Besides we were still enjoying our new child-free fantasy.  So we decided we would wait until September to think about trying.  Well, you know the saying, “tell God your plans so he can have a good laugh”?  That pretty much sums up our lives. 

       It turns out that on that July day when we stood in Target debating whether or not we were really going to be getting back on the try-cycle we were already pregnant.  Yep, we got pregnant by accident.  I don’t think you can really call it an accident, because we were having unprotected sex, but after 2+ years of unprotected sex and not getting pregnant we really weren’t thinking pregnancy was an option.  Then early August hit and no period.  Doc instantly said I needed to take a test.  I waved him off and told him not to get his hopes up.  I finally caved, bought a test and took it.  Negative.  “See, you are silly.  I am not pregnant.”  A couple of days past and I can’t even remember what made me think maybe I should retake the test.  I bought 3 different brands and decided I would use my first morning void to test.  At 5:30 in the morning I had 3 positive pregnancy tests.  SURPRISE!!!

       I think it may be hard for people to understand the emotions that followed.  It can be described as joy, fear, excitement, disbelief, and a whole lot of trepidation.  If you have trouble understanding this, please take a look back at my blogs from April 2 years ago.  I nearly died the last time we miscarried and we have a greater than 60% chance of miscarrying again.  I don’t even get coin flip odds!  By 8am I was on the phone with my OB’s office and texting my normal doctor.  By 3:30 I was in for labs and scheduled for 3 more sets of labs over the next week.  Things moved incredibly fast and we all assumed crash positions.  I was schedule for my first ultrasound 17 days after my first phone call (6 weeks pregnant).  Normally you wait until closer to 12-13 weeks for the first ultrasound. 

        I didn’t make it to my first ultrasound.  The bleeding started after a run one night.  Every night we run or walk 3.1 miles as a family.  We take our 2 dogs and just go.  We came home that night and I was exhausted and had spotting.  Panic set in.  At 5 weeks they had me in for an ultrasound to see if I was miscarrying or had an ectopic pregnancy.  The sack was present in the uterus, but no baby visible just yet.  We were going to have to wait another week.  I continued to have spotting.  I was told to take it easy and was put on a 15lb weight restriction.  No running, no sex, and walking more than a couple of miles lead to increased bleeding.  On August 22 Doc and I went in for another ultrasound.  I had a panic attack getting ready.  I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to do this again.  I was literally on the floor bawling and gasping for air.  For those of you who know me, that isn’t me.  It was essentially the same reaction I had when we found out we lost our last baby.  It was terrible.  At around 11:40 Doc and I saw our little Tadpole for the first time.  We also saw a heartbeat.  It was the most glorious and magnificent thing either of us had ever seen.  We had never seen a heartbeat before.  As glorious as it was, we still weren’t clear and our doctor advised us not to tell anyone.  We had kept it pretty quiet, just letting the people it affected know (I had to stop watching my niece and Doc needed to get off of work for the appointments). 

        We scheduled the next ultrasound for 9 weeks.  This time we had something looking a little more like a baby (at 6 weeks Tadpole looked like a gummy bear hugging my uterus).  As the tech pushed on my belly to get a good image we got to see Tadpole swat at her, another first for us, and again that amazing and wonderful heart beating strong.  Our doctor was decidedly more optimistic following this ultrasound.  The spotting seemed to finally be letting up and my weight restriction was moved to 25lbs for the duration of the pregnancy and I was released to continue my exercise within reason.  If I am tired I am supposed to stop, which is so contrary to having spent the summer pushing myself to go harder and faster.  Because I spend every day nauseated I was concerned about not gaining any weight and my doctor said it was okay.  Just to try not to lose weight (I had lost 11lbs running this summer).  We decided to still keep quiet which was getting more difficult because my body was undergoing some pretty obvious changes.  Apparently it remembers being pregnant and decided to sport the baby belly a little early this go around. 

      This morning we had our 11 week ultrasound.  I had been told when I tried to schedule the appointment that my doctor would be on vacation this week, so I had to schedule with a new doctor.  However, it turned out my doctor was there after all.  We got another look at our little Tadpole.  Tadpole has moved to face outward and is moving into the center of my belly, which is good.  We think we caught during nap time because there was no movement today, but the heart beat is still good and strong.  We were 20 minutes past our appointment time with the new doctor when I finally gave up and had to go to the restroom.  I pee every 30 minutes (wish I were exaggerating).  On the way back I saw my doctor and stopped to say hi.  He was surprised to see me and I explained why we weren’t scheduled with him today.  He totally snaked the appointment and saw us anyway.  ;-) Have I mentioned lately how much I love my doctors?  So we ended up seeing our favorite OB and hearing that things look perfect.  Tadpole is perfect, the pregnancy is progressing perfectly, and we are all starting to plan for an April delivery.  He wants my thyroid checked every month until I hit 20 weeks, but my normal doc has been on top of that, so we are good there.  They took blood today to check for a few abnormalities, but we aren’t worrying about the results too much at this point.  Doc and I are thrilled and terrified and just feeling like we have been on such a roller coaster ride over the past 3 months.  

    I also got my flu shot today.  The pharmacy student who gave it to me said I was the first person to ever ask for it.  Apparently most people try to avoid getting them.  If you are having a baby, know someone having a baby, or come in contact with babies please get your flu and pertussis vaccines.  It could save a child’s life.